Towards The New horizon

Everytime I got a difficult day, i'll sit for a sec and look towards the prospects of the future based on what have i achieved so far.
For now, i cleared my diploma study and will be continuing for bachelor on this march. i felt good and somewhat scared of the what the future may hold for me.
Its been a hell of a journey, a blissful survival, full of experiences. Those days that i lived wasn't as good as others lived and yet, i felt happy for it because it is the only way that I know i can managed to handle within my capacity.

this year has marked of 4 years of my affiliation of me and UiTM. I'll be adding another 2 years. Hopefully, things will be okay and I'll achieve more than just a scroll of bachelor certification.

Self-Reflection

I've been thinking. On the 5th i was dumped via fb message. Since then, my mind has been in chaos. i felt miserable until now. even when things was already over, there's tons of lingering memories that i can't brush off easily. i couldn't even i wanted too. it was etched so deep and strong inside me. honestly, it was a mistake since the beginning of that relationship. distance makes all of the effort seems fruitless. even naive. i guess its inevitable for that relationship to end. doomed by insecurity, much of fantasy and lack of reality. i understand it. couples can't be far from each other as distance will amplify the loneliness and longing of the heart. too much of those things, even a married couple can be led astray.... and that my friends... i understand that very well.

For me...personally i too felt the inadequacy of this relationship. but, i stayed focused and kept my optimism fuel my passion. i believe that this relationship worth to fight for because i know how sweet it is in the end of the survival. i always have been like that. i learn to persevere through ordeals and stay firm in what i believe for.

Sadly...she was not me. she didn't have that steely hard and unwavering will. so she ends up what she started. she's happy with it. i can tell.
the one that ain't happy with it.

me.

after much of thinking and reflecting over the visible and the invisible, i can now accept it. I got a lot of shortcomings and little advantages in every way compared to others. i can't help it. i wasn't born with silver spoon in my mouth. i inherit the gens that kept my body chubby no matter how hard i tried to lose weight. i can't break away from the responsibilities i am tied to.
The only things i can do for the next 3 years is to improve myself in every way. i gotta change. for better for worse. i won't give any commitment in future relationships.

And when i feel like i lost my way, i'll come back to this particular post so that i'll remember of never letting a woman breaks me to pieces again. ever.

this pain and shame that i carry deeply in my heart right now would probably last longer than i expected. but thanks to that. i can have more to time focus on basic self-improvement and self-reflection. when things has settle down, I'll be back again.

till then, remember. Don't start something that you can't live up to fulfill it. cause you may never know when it gets back to you.

2011 I say Goodbye to You, 2012 I Now Embrace You

Hey. It's been months since I last updated this page. I guess I was void of any interesting thoughts at the end of 2011. Though I had things happened in that period of time. But anyway, 2012 has come and as usual, things go on like...usual. Nothing whatsoever happened. I'm hoping for good things to happen in this new year. And as usual, I'll try to make the best of me for everything that I do.
Happy new year peeps!

Always Be A Gamer.

Hey. Whadda'ya think about a guy who loves to play games?
I bet ladies would frown and gave facepalm if their man were avid gamers.
Don't hate them for that. We guys will indulge in gaming even when we're 80s.
Though the games we play might be different in terms of genres and situation, we will still be play it on.
My friend told me he got Diablo II: Lord of Destruction installer. Hell, I've been searchin for it like forever. It was one of the all time favret game for me and I'm looking forward to install it in my lappy. Damn!
Already going 28 and I still going to be a gamer.
Always.

Nitro

I love my dear darling. Truly. But distance which were invisible at the first place began to make things seems so far away and sometimes, makes the effort seems pointless.
I love you so much. Yes. But things are getting so much more complicated and we are lost again and again in this weak connection that we have rite now.
I'm tired of being the one who are making effort.
Is it too much to ask for several msgs or calls in a week?
I dunno. I doesn't rant about it so often, but its getting worse.
Hell. I love you dear.
But I realize that I'm becoming the Nitro again.
Don't let me go into that state. Please.
Understand and lets us fall in love again.
Like the first time we do it.

It's Done

Yesterday I went to take my supplementary exam and so far, I feel I got a good chance to succeed that paper. It was very pressuring me to prepare for the exam and hell, I still got doubts that if I can pass the paper with good expectation. But yeah, it's done and I wanna give me self some good relaxing time. Out for now. Daaaa~~~

True Revelation Hurts

It's been a month. Such a long time. No ideas. Just thoughts that played inside my mind and my heart.
Got my result and hell! I failed a subject. There's no use for me to rant about unfairness or anything anymore. I just wanna focus to get through this supplementary exam. During m time at home, I've been given many revelations of the actions and talks behind my backs.
Some of my friends, they stabbed me in the back. Quite depressing. But still, I can smile and laugh cause those who were true friends was still being my faithful friends.
I'm proud of that.
But yeah, I'm empty inside, aside from the facts and info that I crammed inside my head so that I can pass this final hurdle.
If God's willing, I'll see you guys next year again.
God bless u all.