A Pointless Thought

Hey. Whaddup? So long without any posts from me. Y’all got lonely? I think not. Most of us were so busy dealing with our lives, tackling our own problems, enduring hardships and surely, we all tried to survive without failing in any areas of life. These months have so hard for me to cope up. It ain’t easy to get out from the comfort zone and do the same shit again and again. Lately, I have been thinking of whether I made the right decision to continue my study. When you go into the next level of tertiary education, seriously, you got to be prepared mentally, physically and of course, financially adequate. I never thought that I spend much of my resources onto crappy things and unnecessary things. But oh well, I am who I am which is a spendthrift person. Money came and goes as fast as my electrical brain signals generate and disappears. I didn’t buy much of things but I paid a lot to rents, bills, fees, and mostly, to the foods I cooked for every one of us that rented this house. Lucky for us, we have been good friends since our diploma days and that helps us a lot. We do have our own disagreements but still, we can talk without having to go the hard ways. Oh, I forgot. Last Sunday was my last exam and I guess it went well. I don’t have any regrets. It is pointless to stay and think about it. Furthermore, I still have two subjects to take during my semester holidays. That also means that I won’t get back home for holidays…yet. The holidays that I can spend time at my hometown is on Raya’s holidays. God…I miss my home. Or probably, I miss my lazy days… There are a lot of things that played inside my mind during my absence in this getaway. Thoughts that I didn’t share with anyone and I kept it to myself. It was tough to hold it inside and pretend that life is okay. I had to pretend most of the time and I kinda feel like I lied to myself. I like to be true to myself and to other people but still, I had to wear masks in front of some because I don’t want to create more dramas and problems. So, I relapse again to my habit during my diploma days where I stayed outside of the mainstream communication as much as possible and observe everything that has been going on. There are dramas, silent aggressions, awkward moments and a lot more of ‘entertainment’ that I enjoyed. Facebook and twitter was my prime source of entertainment. But then again it is also the source of my unhappiness and my sorrow. So what I think is that I want to go back to the real world and spend less time on a virtual reality site. I need to do that. Concerning of heart and feeling issues, well, I made some mistakes and created more scandals. I broke with my ex at May and during that times, I got so close with some women. I got myself so messed up and the next thing I realized after quite some time, I did not really have heart to love anyone. After Sophie, I got so scared of giving commitment and that cost me a lot. The last thing that I would say about these things is that I am not read and I am reminded to stay focused on what I want, where I want to go and who I will be. One thing that I understand is that, most women nowadays are materialistic predators that wait for their prey to come (No offense ladies, I know not all of women out there are shavers though). Well, I guess that enough for now. I lost my mood to continue blabbering about things. Truth is I’m just feeling unwell and lonely as hell. My neighbours already finished their study and it does feel like shit when I don’t hear them anymore. Oh God. I miss them already especially… Hehehe. That’s a secret for me and me only. Anyway lads, I wish a great time and fun. Adios Munchachos.

'Drop Dead You Bitch'

Seriously. Why do I have to learn in details about paragraphs, main idea sentences, supporting details, writing styles and all sorts of ruling over articles' writing?
Would I even need it when I finally have a decent job in the future? Honestly in mu opinion, this is pure BULLSHIT!
For a 2 credit-hour subject, I find this as to be preposterous as the requirement for work of this subject is irrational. You gotta make comments in an online blog every week and still have to go for classes. Plus, I asked the other group's works for their lecturer's demand. Presentation for each chapter. That is waaaayyyyyy more easy than what we are doing. Its unfair beyond question.
One thing lead to another and thus chain reaction of anger is being reinforced every week. I can't take it.
If she would make questionnaire by the end of semester, I'll write this for her.
'Drop Dead You Bitch'

'Dear God'

Howdy peeps? Same old brand new you?
These few weeks has already passed and here I am still standing even though there are times I felt like I just want to quit. I'm glad I made it to this point because I know that no matter what happens, I'll be okay. Sure feels good when we are surviving even we almost got crushed down by our own self-destructive thoughts.
Last week I was at my home. But only for one night. The next day I've gone back here at hostel. This prison seems a lot more appealing than my home. I guess some girls will never grow up. That's one of the reason why I ran away from home.
Study is okay for the time being. I still can afford to be lazy and skip a few classes. Money? Now that is the one thing I hate to remember. I hate the fact that I have to cope with the lack of financial capacity for the time being.
Love? I'm steady for the time being. No biggies over that matter XD
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Hmmm.....
I just lost the mood and words. I'll update again when I have the mood and time.
Sorry peeps. Nite~

*Degree Pedigree*

It has been two weeks since I started out my degree study. Hell. I felt like shit. Having to be robbed of my holiday routines, now I really missed out my homey chores. I miss my dad's sarcasm, my sister's nagging, my cats and dogs, and surely I'm missing my freedom to cook and eat my favorite meals. Owh... I missed all of that. I haven't met with my lil sis and my lil bro since last year and somehow, I begin to fear that I might not be able to hang out with them like before. Kids grow up too fast theses days.

For certain reasons that I couldn't explain, I have a fear that gripping me so tight. To die without accomplishing my dream is one of my worst fear. If possible, I want to have at least a child before that time come. To leave without leaving anything is one unbearable thought you know. I'm not saying that I wish or wanted to die, but, yo know, I worry things too soon and too much.

As for my study at the time being, actually I can say its pretty good. The only problem is me. I seems haven't been able to accept reality. I still need time. Homey blues. I hate it. XD

See that title of this post? I put it up because I like the rhyme. That's the only reason. Okay? Don't misunderstand me yea?

Migrainica Weekatus

Migrainica Weekatus. Migraine infested week.
I started this week with nervousness and a bit of sadness.
I left my safe haven and made my way here to suffer again. The bad thing is that my heart still in holiday mode and i'm really reluctant to accept the reality that I now am having myself going through days of stress and panic and misery.
I look at my timetable and i frown and sigh unconsciously.
Who would have thought that we got to take intersession for two papers this semester's holiday? I calculated the cost of money and holiday. Whoa...600 to spend for that and I'll be left with less than two weeks of holiday before i start my fourth semester study.
Awesome! I might grow myself white hair and wrinkles all over my face.

Hell. Come what may. I'll be standing in the end. Heheh.

MARCHing FORward EVERyday

March came. Today my brother's birthday. Now in my family we got birthdays of 1 jan, 2 feb, and 3 march.


This morning I woke up, I still feel sick and my throat sores. I got quite terrible blues too because I'm missing my home. Now here at hostel, I'm currently holding refugee status. I was staying illegally in one of my fren's room and i'm waiting for Monday to see whether i'll be getting me-self a nice clean room or not.
Oh I just can't wait to see monday.


I gotta admit, sometimes, we will have to face the reality that we somehow did get the best of the best but we let it go. Now that I felt like that, I can't go back to the point before because it already has vanished. Now what I can do is always the same thing I did. I'm marching forward. Everyday the same thing.
I don't gold it against anybody. I'm cool bout it.


5th March. I'm waiting for that day. I can't wait to see who will be my mates for this 2 year ride of pain, stress, sadness, and enjoyment. I know some of 'em but who will be the new addition. They'll be cool or not with us? Will they be ready for me?

Anyway, I'll leave that for Monday. HEHEHEHEHE

You Lost Me

When you talk to me and I listen, you ought to do the same thing to me.
When I talk don't ever hung up on me.
Because of that, you lost me.
Forever.