Bergghhh......

Hey! Whazzup? Howdy? I haven’t updated my blog for a few weeks. Sure is a long time. Holiday came and given me some good things to ponder out and think thoroughly. What can we expect of holidays? It stunts our growth and makes us obese if we’re stuck at home without a job and without any income. Damn! I hate this holidays. Hmm…But I won’t fret much. I did have a hell of a good time and luck anyway.
So you guys who are active and keen on checking people’s profiles at Facebook probably rite now have already known that I’ve found my spring again. Yea, I’ve been singing Bruno Mars lately and just got our first date a few days ago. It did not go so perfect but it was enjoyable. Life finally seems to be sweet to my heart [haha!] and it gives me a sense of direction of where I want to go to along with responsibilities to carry on. I know that not all love stories will go on like a fairytale but at least I’ll make it somehow.
I’ve checked my exam results and I ain’t happy about it. It ain’t good enough but still I passed. Thank God I won’t have to repeat more papers and I’m right on my track to grad in time. I am a bit sad cause I didn’t even get close to what I aimed for and what’s even more alarming, my points dropped to the red point! That’s what happened when you team up with assholes and dickheads. They like leeches that suck on you while you struggle to make good marks out of nothing cause they know if I do it right, they’ll end up as having good marks as me. These bastards are on my list and I want to get them back…sooner or later… Then next semester I’ll make a better of me and try earnestly not to put anyone in my class in that list cause more than a quarter of them have already make their way to the list. I don’t want to pray them terrible things!
But what’s more even vexing is that I’m beginning to have doubt of the whole system that I was in right now. Did I make the right decision to go for this course? They don’t promote change. They condone it! How the hell is we are going to produce good and quality manpower with intelligent mind if they don’t promote change and give evaluation based on students’ level of understanding and strength? Real world is more than just what the textbooks displayed and for me what’s the most important thing in surviving there is to have adaptability which is not promoted by these geeks who doesn’t want to be criticized and afraid to change the way they evaluate their apprentices. Some of these geeks are so full of themselves and forgot what their mission in educating the uneducated is. Maybe they forgot their aspirins or forgot to trim down their hairs and I don’t know. I don’t wanna know why they are like that anymore cause it won’t bring any good and it waste my time.
In this constantly changing world, they have to revise back and improve their strategy in educating people like me and others and those who shoulder great responsibilities have to remember that they have to improve their system to fit in the world which is a bigger system. If not graduates who opt for the private sector won’t be able to compete out with graduates from the private education institutions. At least if they change they can give out some things that worth to pay for. So much of the brilliant geezers!

So this is what it felt.

So this is what it felt to read an empty post.

HeartBeat

Strange.
I can't focus.
I'm nervous.
I'm trembling.
I'm afraid.
But I keep going on.
I can't run away from it.

Liar Liar

Just I posted in my FB account that I'm going to forget 99% of her.
Totally a lie cause those 1% that left is everything that i remembered about her.
So the 99% is the efforts that i've done to be close to her.
And that makes me another liar.
That's all peeps. Gonna delete some of her pixs from my lappie.

Heartbreak

In pain, in anger, suicidal thoughts, mostly embittered by the consequence of a hasty action. I really want to make it up but i don't think i could for she shut the door to her heart and i know i'll regret this forever.
I just hope that she'll forgive me and give me another chance....

I've been thinking....

I’m on my way back to hostel and things got a bit slow and rather sloppy with this particular journey. I’m under budget and I don’t know if I can last for another two weeks until I got another help from my family.

I don’t get much of satisfaction over the holidays granted to us and it became clear to me that if I don’t go back ASAP, all of the works and lessons will not be done. So here I am in this bus going back to the campus even if I’m gonna spend my time alone there to finish the unfinished works.

But, I do have things that really make me enjoy the time I spent at home. Back at home to see how disastrous my home without me is, how the relationship between family members is at the worst, to see my father was aging faster than ever and many more things that made me think and reflect the way I live my life now. Now I realized that I was living my life without any sense of fulfillment and the magic of life itself. Right now I wonder if what i’ve gone through made me into myself at this moment. I know I have this problem since a few years back before but I thought I had already passed on that state. I came back to the point of zero again.

Sometimes people will have to reflect what have they achieved in the life the lived and for me, like I said before, I realize that I got to restart back myself in the sense of making perception and attitude towards what I encounter and lived for. For the past few days I have been recollecting memories of my childhood times, my teenage times, and up until right now. What even more funny is that I met a person in this bus during the break at a shop in Kimanis. I was surprised this guy still remembered me as clear as yesterday because I can only tell to myself that I’ve seen this guy but I don’t remember where. He turned out to be the guy who was working at another stall when I was still working in a stall in front of Maybank Keningau. Whoaa..he brought some of the best memories I had during that period before I moved to Selangor. You see, this is what I mean as the things that made me enjoyed my holiday.

Now that I already finished 2/3 of my journey, I really wished that I was not making mistake by going back earlier than the rest of the friends. I have chaos mixture of feelings deep inside my heart now that it feels a bit hurting my soul. I missed my home and that will make me crazy in months to come. Having myself pampered by endless supply of delicacies at home, I feel reluctant to leave at first but eventually I stepped out of my door to move forward to endure what they say as the ‘life’s soursalt’ experience. But when I think of it, this is a good chance to test out my determination and persistence over my decision and my will. If I back out from my resolution, how can I call myself as a man?

I love the word ‘Romantic’. But if you want to know specifically what I mean by that I will tell you this. I would love to be one of those who love to live their life at the fullest by accepting whatever situation and challenge that offered by life itself. Would you like to be one of the guys who cherish every moment that they have and being positive in times where the world seems to reject them? My life is not as perfect as some person I’ve met and it maybe worse than others. We were born into this world with differences that seems to some as unfair and to some as just. But we all just same in struggling to live and survive whether emotionally, financially, and physically. To be born in a middle classed family that falls below the poverty line and rise back to an average joe, it sometimes makes me question whether Fate has decided that this is the storyline for my life? I’ve been blessed with good times in adversity and also bad times in best situations. But if I want more than just that, will I make a difference then?

I suppose that loving what we are doing right now is probably one of the hardest things we could do. When spirits are low and temptations are great I don’t think that we can maintain 100% concentration on what we do and enjoy it as it is. I hope I will find back the burning fire of my dream to fuel my and drive me forward.

Take a moment to sit back and reflect on ourselves. It certainly help.

Insomnia Plague

I've been plagued by insomnia since i move into cluster c.
Too sad to accept the fact that I cannot have my previous room and that is so depressing.
Things are great but it doesn't feel the same anymore.
Last Thursday nite we saw sumthing on the sky.
I spotted it and observed for sumtime and there it was on the sky, glowing.
I thought it was sumthing divine was ascending to the earth.
Back to insomnia case, I was feeling so depressed and couldn't get enough sleep for a few days already.
Boring rite?

Rainy Days Are To Be Expected

3.47pm.
Rain drops still visible from my window. I like it. Yet I hate.
I've been planning to go the library to waste my time there by searching for books and watching the NatGeo series there.
I love it.
Now here I am. Stuck inside my room. Trying to do my work which tired me and bored me.
I'm sick of myself being so unmotivated to do things which I suppose I should do.
There no sign for a quick show thing as there are no signs there will be water at the bathroom.
Back at the class in the morning, a friend of mine hold her paper which related to her study of global relation. A sort of a thing where we are required to be alert of things and events that happen around the globe. I love that kind of stuff in which predictions are made, reasoning are a must, and the thrill of the challenge inside the process.
My brains cells are dying from the stagnant state of the present situation. I'm on halfway through the course but already I think I could take on the world. But as the ancient philosophers said, no matter where you stand, you will never grasp the star. That is so very true and no matter how do you look, I am not ready yet to charge forward to the future with what I have right now.
I have been pondering the prospects in these year and surely I already think of what will I do when I reach my graduation. The truth is, I do not see much of good time ahead. Not while the global economic meltdown hampering growth and progress around the world. It is obvious that rainy days are to be expected.
You don't have to look far, just look around you. Yea...let’s look into our own Malaysia. I doubt that in his term, PM Najib will see the results from his atomic decision to reinvent back the government. That part, I salute him and I wish that the plans go well. I'm not an ardent supporter of any factions in the political arena of our country but it is well enough to say that I would like to see the current administration to continue steer our nation on conditions where there are major changes in policies and the way it would be implemented as well. For I love Malaysia, the entity which I carry since my birth and hopefully, until when I die.
Okay, I already have been carried a bit far away and back to the prospect of my future. You can see that there are numerous signs of unstable economy when the price is going up. Things will be pricey and no doubt middle class citizen like the majority people in Malaysia will have to tighten up their belly and would have to do extra work for additional surplus.
Already in motion, the government has also taken the step to save up from giving too much subsidies to the citizens. A double edge action as one side of the tip will bring us more benefit while at the other point; will surely cost people’s faith in them. Personally, I would say that I support that step as I realize that this is inevitable. People should be aware of the deficit in the annual budget and wake up guys…Subsidized tradition is not fit in this era anymore. As the saying goes…Good things will surely end. This is not the era of economic boom anymore. We have to accept reality and be practical. To boost up internal economy, the government has to collect more revenue in form of taxes and reduce spending in order to build up saving. This will go back to us in form of public amenities and upgrade to the system that already existed.
But here is reminder to the government.
It is not fair when people are willing to have their cut reduced but there are wastages along the process. What good is a well defined plan which its intention to help us elevate ourselves a step higher when the money goes to the pocket of some gullible individuals in form of corruptions, unreasonable salary and allowances?
Think about it.
Anyhow, I don’t want to work on the details. We are old enough to asses these things and hopefully whatever you had in your mind, you better recheck and revise it back. I do not expect anyone to read this, considering the wide variety of blogs and posts in the web. But if you happen to read this post, I thank you for the time you spend to read this piece of my mind.

When things got sloopy, the kids go rioting around!

6 am....
Alarms ringing out...
Sit on the bed...
Have a moment to ponder around...
Up and bring the pail along with shower thingys...
Head to the bathroom...
Heard curses and swearing along the way....
Straight to the toilet...
Already having a desperate time to control the feel...
Reach for the pipe...
Turn it on...
Only shhh.....sound...
Then i too...
Cursed and get very angry...
It must have been already 15 minutes already....
Damn...there's no notice...
There are no water and everybody was running around to other blocks....
None.
To whom we must express our anger?

It was there before and now it is still there

I’ve checked out the student system today to see whether I was lucky enough to get a room in my campus. My heart beat fast as that was the millionth time I opened the system and God knows how I was wishing so eager to see a line saying that I succeed in my application. Oops…the server is busy. Reload the page again….then the same thing appeared. I felt that my heartbeat rise. Then I tried again and again while my heart was already swearing and cursing. Finally…it went through and after waiting for a minute or two; I frowned and felt my heartbeat could blow a doctor’s ears’ if he pressed his tools onto my chest. Damn… “Your application is still in process”.

What is in the hell is that?? They got a full two month to discuss and give out the verdict and results. Why the administration is too sloppy in managing this matter? I don’t think that they are short on staffs nor they are short on data to evaluate on those who should get the rooms. If they are so fussy on that, why don’t they just give a big, clearly typed font of lines saying “YOU DIDN’T GET THE ROOM. BETTER GO OUT AND RENT A HOUSE”????

Sometimes, I think I lost my respect for to these peoples from the way they handled these kinds of matters. Too many irrelevant decisions and it wasted a lot of precious time to the students, be it the likes of me or the other way around. Some who deserved, didn’t get it while others who clearly do not require it, got it. What’s even funnier is, there are clearly some biased elements in the process of selecting and granting these selected few rooms to live and study. Now I’m so sad and angry because if we were given the results earlier, we can save our time in searching for a renting place to stay and would not have to wait for nothing when the result to come out. Man~~~this administration have to re-evaluate their style of conducting their duties and responsibilities. Not only that, they ought to understand the situation they caused to the students.

Okay….

Then I go to the bank hoping for my loan already credited in my account. I’ve gone to several tellers and in every teller that I went; I waited long enough for a lady to give birth to a baby. What’s even more frustrating is that I waited hours for nothing because when I check my balance, it was still the same. ZERO. What happened to the loan which I intended to pay for books, equipments, fees, living expenses and probably, rent for a house?? Obviously, this is one of the most profound problems for students who are at disadvantage in getting their application for a room in the campus’ hostel.

These issues have always been the issue whenever we go back to study and I don’t see improvements on this. Well, there are improvements actually but basically, the problem is still there. It didn’t get solved. It’s still there.

I wonder what did they learned from their experience in managing issues and situations like this? I do not know whether to pity and understand them or lashes out my anger to them because I too have my own problems. I tried to be sensible but the more I tried to understand and tolerate it, the more I felt like they failed to do their job. Not only they failed in their responsibility on their job, they also failed me and the other students. If they worked for a Japanese corporation, probably these people will be educated again specially on management and quality control lessons.

I have my respect for them and admiration towards visions and missions that they showed to us, but it would mean nothing if their actions are not as good as their mouth talk. So I hope that they will learn and try to make better solutions to these problems as this will help them to provide better service to the students and not giving students( and me of course! ) harder times which would affect their studies and eventually make their efforts…wasted.