I've been thinking. On the 5th i was dumped via fb message. Since then, my mind has been in chaos. i felt miserable until now. even when things was already over, there's tons of lingering memories that i can't brush off easily. i couldn't even i wanted too. it was etched so deep and strong inside me. honestly, it was a mistake since the beginning of that relationship. distance makes all of the effort seems fruitless. even naive. i guess its inevitable for that relationship to end. doomed by insecurity, much of fantasy and lack of reality. i understand it. couples can't be far from each other as distance will amplify the loneliness and longing of the heart. too much of those things, even a married couple can be led astray.... and that my friends... i understand that very well.
For me...personally i too felt the inadequacy of this relationship. but, i stayed focused and kept my optimism fuel my passion. i believe that this relationship worth to fight for because i know how sweet it is in the end of the survival. i always have been like that. i learn to persevere through ordeals and stay firm in what i believe for.
Sadly...she was not me. she didn't have that steely hard and unwavering will. so she ends up what she started. she's happy with it. i can tell.
the one that ain't happy with it.
after much of thinking and reflecting over the visible and the invisible, i can now accept it. I got a lot of shortcomings and little advantages in every way compared to others. i can't help it. i wasn't born with silver spoon in my mouth. i inherit the gens that kept my body chubby no matter how hard i tried to lose weight. i can't break away from the responsibilities i am tied to.
The only things i can do for the next 3 years is to improve myself in every way. i gotta change. for better for worse. i won't give any commitment in future relationships.
And when i feel like i lost my way, i'll come back to this particular post so that i'll remember of never letting a woman breaks me to pieces again. ever.
this pain and shame that i carry deeply in my heart right now would probably last longer than i expected. but thanks to that. i can have more to time focus on basic self-improvement and self-reflection. when things has settle down, I'll be back again.
till then, remember. Don't start something that you can't live up to fulfill it. cause you may never know when it gets back to you.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Hey. It's been months since I last updated this page. I guess I was void of any interesting thoughts at the end of 2011. Though I had things happened in that period of time. But anyway, 2012 has come and as usual, things go on like...usual. Nothing whatsoever happened. I'm hoping for good things to happen in this new year. And as usual, I'll try to make the best of me for everything that I do.
Happy new year peeps!
Happy new year peeps!