Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A Manic Mind

Whaddup peeps? Long time no post from me to y’all. I was so busy and kinda lost my mood to make any posts during these times. I did not expect myself to make another post but here I am now. In this cold, silent night I finally made up my mind to say few things that have been on mind during this semester holiday. You know… I kinda am having manic depression now. One moment I felt okay where everything is fun and exciting then another moment I will feel so low and down with the entire negativity thoughts just stream inside my mind. I can’t help it. I felt like I’m going crazy with the way things have been going. At the time being, I am having a super close relationship with this one sweet girl who has bipolar disorder. I guess what I have right now is the result of me having gone in too deep with her. I can’t help it. I somehow have a different view on life and seeing things in another new perspective. It is the view of a person who is desperate for help and recognition from the world. This one girl has lost too much and it looks like she will keep losing more and more. From the way I see it, she seems to be clinging desperately to me because I think I the only one left she can talk and express herself wholeheartedly. What she said does affect me. What she gave to me means more to me. What we share even mean a lot more to us. Yeah, she teaches me a lot and she gave me the reason to think more and think less. I guess what we really have now is a symbiotic dependency between me and her and it looks like we will keep this relationship as a long-term investment for us. Last Friday we got our result for the previous examination and I must say I am feeling very bad for it. I won’t go for the podium and I don’t need to shave my head bald. That’s for sure. I felt like to make arguments for the failure but I guess I’m done to say about that. I just want to finish this course and straightaway go for jobs. All the glory of being the top of the herd will mean nothing if we can’t secure a prospectus job. Next semester I will be very busy because I’m thinking of taking part time jobs whenever I can. I need money and I like to hoard lots of them in the bank. I think it is time for me to make a drastic change to my life. When I celebrated my 29th birthday on the 2nd this month, I kinda like have been given a lot of omens that clearly point out that message to me. I need to graduate from the teenage vibe and grow up. I need to let go some things to gain new things. This holiday is a waste in some ways. Yeah. It is. But from some other ways it is the perfect chance for me to reflect things. Right now I am still trying to organize my thoughts and revise back my plans for the future. Hopefully y’all would have some moments to sit down and reflect on what you have done during these years. Who knows you might feel the same as I am right now.