Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Liar Liar

Just I posted in my FB account that I'm going to forget 99% of her.
Totally a lie cause those 1% that left is everything that i remembered about her.
So the 99% is the efforts that i've done to be close to her.
And that makes me another liar.
That's all peeps. Gonna delete some of her pixs from my lappie.

Monday, September 20, 2010


In pain, in anger, suicidal thoughts, mostly embittered by the consequence of a hasty action. I really want to make it up but i don't think i could for she shut the door to her heart and i know i'll regret this forever.
I just hope that she'll forgive me and give me another chance....

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I've been thinking....

I’m on my way back to hostel and things got a bit slow and rather sloppy with this particular journey. I’m under budget and I don’t know if I can last for another two weeks until I got another help from my family.

I don’t get much of satisfaction over the holidays granted to us and it became clear to me that if I don’t go back ASAP, all of the works and lessons will not be done. So here I am in this bus going back to the campus even if I’m gonna spend my time alone there to finish the unfinished works.

But, I do have things that really make me enjoy the time I spent at home. Back at home to see how disastrous my home without me is, how the relationship between family members is at the worst, to see my father was aging faster than ever and many more things that made me think and reflect the way I live my life now. Now I realized that I was living my life without any sense of fulfillment and the magic of life itself. Right now I wonder if what i’ve gone through made me into myself at this moment. I know I have this problem since a few years back before but I thought I had already passed on that state. I came back to the point of zero again.

Sometimes people will have to reflect what have they achieved in the life the lived and for me, like I said before, I realize that I got to restart back myself in the sense of making perception and attitude towards what I encounter and lived for. For the past few days I have been recollecting memories of my childhood times, my teenage times, and up until right now. What even more funny is that I met a person in this bus during the break at a shop in Kimanis. I was surprised this guy still remembered me as clear as yesterday because I can only tell to myself that I’ve seen this guy but I don’t remember where. He turned out to be the guy who was working at another stall when I was still working in a stall in front of Maybank Keningau. Whoaa..he brought some of the best memories I had during that period before I moved to Selangor. You see, this is what I mean as the things that made me enjoyed my holiday.

Now that I already finished 2/3 of my journey, I really wished that I was not making mistake by going back earlier than the rest of the friends. I have chaos mixture of feelings deep inside my heart now that it feels a bit hurting my soul. I missed my home and that will make me crazy in months to come. Having myself pampered by endless supply of delicacies at home, I feel reluctant to leave at first but eventually I stepped out of my door to move forward to endure what they say as the ‘life’s soursalt’ experience. But when I think of it, this is a good chance to test out my determination and persistence over my decision and my will. If I back out from my resolution, how can I call myself as a man?

I love the word ‘Romantic’. But if you want to know specifically what I mean by that I will tell you this. I would love to be one of those who love to live their life at the fullest by accepting whatever situation and challenge that offered by life itself. Would you like to be one of the guys who cherish every moment that they have and being positive in times where the world seems to reject them? My life is not as perfect as some person I’ve met and it maybe worse than others. We were born into this world with differences that seems to some as unfair and to some as just. But we all just same in struggling to live and survive whether emotionally, financially, and physically. To be born in a middle classed family that falls below the poverty line and rise back to an average joe, it sometimes makes me question whether Fate has decided that this is the storyline for my life? I’ve been blessed with good times in adversity and also bad times in best situations. But if I want more than just that, will I make a difference then?

I suppose that loving what we are doing right now is probably one of the hardest things we could do. When spirits are low and temptations are great I don’t think that we can maintain 100% concentration on what we do and enjoy it as it is. I hope I will find back the burning fire of my dream to fuel my and drive me forward.

Take a moment to sit back and reflect on ourselves. It certainly help.